The secret to doing hard things more often
Put aside the fear and eat the frog
By Mel Savage
You can’t achieve your goals by only doing the easy things.
This is something I’m sure you intuitively understand and agree with. Yet, the number one thing that most people complain about on the way to their goals is “it’s so hard.”
I’ve done it too. Guilty!
It’s hard to exercise every day. It’s hard to go live on social media and make offers to people. It’s hard to meet new people and learn new skills. It’s hard to let go of control or be nice to my sister. It’s hard to eat salad for dinner.
People often say things are hard as a reason NOT to do them. But that is exactly the reason TO do them.
You become your best self by consistently committing to the hard things.
So somehow, we need to make it more agreeable to do hard things. How do we do that?
Well, when you really break it down, what makes eating salad for dinner or meeting new people hard? What’s truly hard about it?
It’s not physically meeting the person, or eating the salad that’s hard.
The thing that’s truly hard is the feeling you might feel when you do that hard thing. The truly hard part is feeling scared or embarrassed or rejected or deprived or judged or nervous, etc.
The truly hard part is feeling the negative emotion.
When we’re committing to a new goal, we think we’re committing to taking the actions to get to the goal, but we’re missing the thing to which we actually need to commit.
What you’re really committing to is feeling the negative emotions that come with doing hard things. That’s the secret that no one tells you.
The commitment isn’t to doing stuff, it’s to feeling stuff.
Being super clear about what you’re committing to upfront is everything. It’s a total game changer.
You’re not committing to learning a new skill. You’re committing to potentially failing as you learn the new skill.
You’re not committing to making offers to people. You’re committing to potentially feeling rejected if they say no.
You’re not committing to eating salad. You’re committing to potentially feeling deprived until you get used to eating the salad.
When you think about it that way, you’re not surprised when you feel that fear or rejection or deprivation. It’s more like, “it’s normal if I feel rejected. That’s part of my commitment to this goal.”
Now I also want to tell you that you don’t have to feel rejected when someone says ‘no’ to you. You also can feel proud that you made the offer, or satisfied that you offered someone support regardless of their decision. It’s not an automatic thing to feel rejected if someone says ‘no.’ It all depends on what you make that ‘no’ mean to you.
It’s the same thing with any other hard thing. You don’t automatically have to feel deprived every time you eat a salad, or scared every time you might fail.
THE TAKEAWAY.
The most important thing is that when you allow yourself the space to let it be OK to feel rejected, or deprived or scared, you’re more likely to keep taking the actions you need to take to be your best self.
And being your best self always feels great.
Mel Savage. My mission is to create a world where everyone loves their job. In my opinion, this is one of the most important skills to have because your career isn’t just about money. It’s also a huge part of your life’s meaning, purpose and enjoyment.
At The Career Reset, I focus on coaching corporate teams and professionals on how to show up at their best for their work and love what they do. I use my 20-plus years in corporate senior management, my life coach certification and cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to empower people in creating any result they want for their career or organization.
I also host the Have the Career You Want podcast which is dedicated to the same mission, and offers weekly insights and inspiration to show up for yourself and your job as the best version of you.
You can learn more about me at thecareerreset.com.
